CGI porn... I've really gotta stop naming these as porn

Well I was going to begin this review by saying that I had just seen a pretty good remake of FernGully: The Last Rainforest, but apparently I’m months behind on that comparison. I do want to say that if FernGully had Cameron’s budget, we wouldn’t have to worry about losing the rainforests anymore.

I just saw Avatar, which is James Cameron’s latest opus and not the live action version of one of the best Nickelodeon cartoons in recent years. (So can’t wait for that movie next year.) It was good… not the best movie I’ve seen this year, but good none the less.

A CGI enthusiast’s wet dream, Avatar is 60% photo-realistic CGI work and motion capture. 60%! 60! I spent a half hour trying to make a CGI banana that looked semi-banana-ish. I can’t fathom how many man hours it took to accomplish a 2 hour and 42 minutes movie that is 60% CGI. My mind just exploded.

I may want to include some plot into my review, but really who needs plot with a movie this pretty. James Cameron, that’s who! If there is one thing this man can do it is write a good story. Yes, it parallels FernGully, but it’s still a good story.

Jake Sully is an ex-Marine (but is anyone really an EX-Marine?) whose twin brother just died. They don’t really explain how, he just does. He was a scientist who had been studying for years just to link with his avatar to study the Na’Vi up close and personal. Since all this money has already gone into growing a fully formed human-Na’Vi avatar, they figure that one twin is just as good as the other.

One thing to mention, and unless you’ve been living under a rock you already know this, but Jake is in a wheelchair. Through some accident that isn’t really explained, he has been left dead from the waist down. So when he’s linked to his avatar, he fully regained the use of his lower extremities. So there’s a very endearing scene when he first tries his new legs.

So Jake masterfully infiltrates the Na’Vi…

Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.

Through a very lengthy chase sequence (which was made all that much worse by the lack of focus I had in the theater) he is “captured” by Neytiri, the daughter of the king of one of the many tribes of Na’Vi. She brings him back, though she really doesn’t want to, and then is forced to teach him the ways of the world.

And that’s all I’m gonna say about the story. If you want more, then go see the movie. I’m not for spoilers. Well… I am, but I’m not gonna be the one to tell you.

I did enjoy the movie, especially once they cleaned up the focus, and I would recommend it. It does strike chords of other movies, but seriously when one the last time you’ve seen anything original in the theaters? It’s kinda long, but it paces well.

I don’t have a rating system. I may need to think one up. In the meantime, I say that you should see it, especially if you like CGI work. It’s got some damn good CGI.

Fiser, OUT!

disaster porn...

... or why I love disaster movies....

I just saw the majority of 2012. I say majority because I missed the last half hour as we were all taking turns watching the reels so they don't brain wrap. If you understood that, congratulations! you probably work as a projectionist or did at one point.

Why I was voted the reel keeper for the very last portion of the movie is beyond me. It could be because I was sitting by myself all peaceful-like and they couldn't stand it. But most likely it was because I am over 18.

Back to my review...

I love disaster movies. I don't know what it is about them... the big budgets... the even bigger CG special effects... the obvious blue/green screen effects... but whatever it is, I love them. 2012 is no exception. It reeled me in to the point that I actually cared about the one-off character who, when introduced, you knew was gonna die, but you kept rooting for them anyways. (Oh, Sasha, you were hot and Russian. My two favorite qualities in a hot Russian.)

This movie had a lot of aspects of other disaster movies in it. One could safely say that it was like almost all major disaster flicks rolled into one. You had some Poseidon mixed with Titanic (which is very redundant) mix in some Perfect Storm and 10.5 (yes, I watch the SciFi... 'scuse me, SyFy movies) then sprinkle on top some Day After Tomorrow only flip it.

I would have to say that this movie is very much like Day After Tomorrow, only instead of a new Ice Age you have extreme global warming. In fact, it seems that the harmless neutrinos released from solar flares are actually cooking the Earth from the inside out. Just like a microwave, and that analogy is straight from the movie. (Which is surprising to think that I could actually come up with a line from the beginning of a 3 HOUR movie.)

I must pause here for a second and mourn. I just read on Wikipedia (I know, a very reputable news source) that there is plans to make a TV series based on the lives of the survivors. I smell bad idea.

I was searching for something but I know can't remember what it was.

Hmmm....

Oh yeah, at one point in the story the land masses shift as well as the poles. This puts the South Pole smack dab in the middle of Wisconsin.

So, yeah, looks like another normal winter for Wisconsin in 2012.

Yay, Wisconsin jokes!!

I'm totally off track. I liked the movie. I don't want to spoil anything... Not that I could having not seen the last 30 minutes. But I do want to not spoil the things I did see.

It's a disaster movie.
It's not for everyone.
I enjoyed it a lot.
Sasha is a hot Russian.

Yup, that pretty much sums it up.

Laters,
Erin

torture porn...

In 2004 a little movie came out that I did not watch. The following year another one made its way to the screen, and I still did not watch it. I flat out refused to watch these movies because I thought they were nothing more than torture porn.

Well… they are nothing more than torture porn.

Okay, the first one is not. I finally watched the first one in the summer of 2006. Honestly, I thought it was a bit boring until the end. Then I had to immediately watch it again. There was so much I missed the first time around because even though I had actively chose to watch the movie, I wasn’t watching the movie.

Thus began my obsession with Saw. There is something about the first one… I don’t know what it is, but those two Aussies just created a world that was so twisted and yet somehow … it just made sense. All the interconnections just worked. Yes, it left a lot of holes, but the holes let the viewer think of outcomes themselves.

Then I watched the second one, the one by Mr. Bousman, and I was very disappointed. Now I like this guy’s style and cannot wait for Mother’s Day, but I did not like what he did to the story. It was just … highly predictable.

I saw the third in the theater. I liked it. It wasn’t my favorite, but at least it told a story.
The fourth was a little bit of a letdown and once again was predictable.

I completely skipped out on the fifth one, and from what I’ve heard I didn’t miss much. I’ll watch it eventually.

Now for Saw VI.

I really enjoyed it. It actually had a story, and a good one at that. It really went into the back story that ALL the fans were asking for. Well, all except Dr. Gordon.

FACE IT PEOPLE!!! He died in the hallway. He did just cut off his foot.

Sorry, I really needed to get that out. Go out and read the Saw message boards and you’ll see what I mean.

But seriously, the movie is worth seeing. Yes, there are some awful “games” throughout the movie, but it is a Saw movie. It comes with the territory. The opening game did make me laugh, though. Two people are trapped in cages and they are supposed to give “their pound of flesh” only Jigsaw means literally. They are given a large carving knife and a butcher block chopper. So we have a fat guy on one side that starts cutting off chucks of fat from his abdomen. On the other side is this skinny ass chick. She panics and grabs the carving knife and contemplates “fingers… hand… arm…” cause she doesn’t have the luxury of extra fat. She decides arm, but instead of immediately grabbing the chopper on hacking away, she saws a bit. So I’m laughing yelling at the screen, “use the butcher’s, you dumb bitch,” and my co-worker’s are now very concerned for my sanity, but am I wrong. They were on a timer. She does end up using the chopper and removing her arm (oh, SPOILER alert… it’s only the first 5 minutes of the film, get over it) and outweighing the competition.

I highly recommend it. Surprisingly enough I would actually rate it second on my list. The original is first, obviously, and then VI, III, IV, II, and V, but only because I haven’t seen V.

So, that’s my review.

OH!..... I’m pretty sure that I saw a thumb or a PA’s head in the corner of the screen during one screen. I would have to rewatch it to make sure and get note what scene it was, but I’m pretty sure it was an oops. I like finding oopses in movies.

I’ll be back soon with whatever movie I watch next.

Ciao.

history lesson...

I just watched Tarantino's epic Inglorious Basterd.

Yes, be jealous...

It was good, like really good. Quite possible one of the best movies I've ever seen. Okay, maybe not that great, but it was really, really good. Tarantino knows how to tell a great story on film.

I wish I could do that....

Anyways, I'm not gonna tell much of the plot, because I watch you to watch for yourself, but let's just say it's not historically accurate.

But no one expected it to be, especially since there was no Eva Braun casting.

Look for Christoph Waltz as the evil Col. Landa, quite possibly the best baddie this year (and fluent in 4 languages). Though, you don't have to look hard, he's in most the film.

Oh.... and awesome Brits being British, except that one is Canadian (yes, it's Mike Myers) and the other is actually a German-born Brit. But still a Brit.

I could've sworn that there is an anachronism in the movie, but then again as it tells you at the end...

(paraphrasing) "Although based on actual people and event, the events are fictious and the characters should not be based on anyone living or dead...."

Blah blah blah, that normal mumble at the end of all movies that are fictious.

But my anachronism (if you don't know, look it up) is that I could've sworn one of Brad's line was something something Liza on Ice, or something like that. He definately said Liza on Ice. Well, the only Liza that I know, or really matters, is Liza Minelli and she wasn't born yet.

Other than that.....

I thought this movie was fantastic! Definately one of his best.

Fiser, OUT!
[drops mic] <--- I have to lose the carrots, they weren't showing up.

failing at life...

I had a shitty evening. Hear, let me tell you all about it.

So I'm a big failure and I cry a lot. I cry a lot in front of other people. And there is no better way to make awkward situation more awkward then crying in front of someone you don't know.

I made it through the wedding without crying, though. Because the wedding was good. Everything was spectacular... until the very end.

I hate people!

Fiser, OUT!

random musings at an ungodly hour...

Hello world! I just got back home for a show. It went well.

Though I found out that my trainer is in a band, so naturally I had to look him up. Stars After the Storm. Look them up.

Okay, now on to write about what I really wanted to write about.

I have currently taken up watching shows on escapistmagazine.com and frankly, I love them all. At least the ones that I've watched. Let me sum them up for you.

Starting first with Unskippable.

Unskippable is like MST3K only for video games. It's just 2 guys and they riff on the unskippable parts of games, the cut scenes as they are known. They have great lines and are very funny. For instance in Star Ocean: The Last Hope (a game I've actually seen played) the game says, "men started to look skyward to space" to which the response came "as opposed to skyward to the ground."

This particular episode of Unskippable had a guest riffer, Yahtzee. Yahtzee does Zero Punctuation. This is the second show I started watching, but I have to say it's my favorite. Yahtzee is a game critic who talks really fast and uses simple stick drawings against a bold colored background. He is snarky and rude and I love his sarcastic wit. This is one you have to watch to really get.

Then one day I just finished watching all the past episodes of both Unskippable and Zero Punctuation and had nothing else to do for the day. This was during my unemployed phase. So I started clicking on the other banner on the side of the page. First stop There Will Be Brawl.

There Will Be Brawl is a drama about Nintendo characters. The story follows Luigi Mario (or Mario Bros. fame) in a very dirty NYPD Blue-type world. Princess Peach rules the world, but is not doing a very good job, namely because she keeps getting kidnapped. So the one ruler is "missing" and the Head of the Police (Link) has placed Princess Zelda in charge until Peach is found. This is not a good thing as apparently Zelda is an evil bitch in this world. From there, I get a little confused. There were 3 Dons (Mew 2, Bowzer, and Koopa) but I think they're down to just Koopa as the other 2 were horribly mutilated. It's a good show, but a little hard to follow and even harder to remember when they only update the last Friday of the month.

So as I wait, I found Doomsday Arcade. This plucky little show comes from Australia. It's about 2 guys (the Michaels, but don't call them that) who are, for some reason or another, public enemies #1 as far as the gaming community is concerned. Let me rewind a bit. The games have found a way to use Portal technology (my all-time favorite game, B T Dubs) to enter the real world. They start a war because they are sick and tired of being killed over and over again. So they decide to take out the Michaels as they are the biggest threat. This show is very funny and even though it has a very young cast, I think it is wonderfully put together. Star Michael Shanks also directs and writes and even though there is a lot of corny dialogue, some is actually very witty. Though I kinda hate him as 1) he's living my dream, 2) he's lives in Australia, and 3) he's only 18!

Finally there's Rebecca Mayes Muses. She's only had one clip, but I expect great thing. Ms. Mayes is a singer/songwriter/gamer from England. Already she's so but better then me in every way. Her first song is about The Sims 3 which I own and love. Yay! SIMS!!! It's very catchy and will get stuck in your head.

Well, I think I've promoted escapistmagazine.com quite enough. And in case you're wondering, no, I have not been paid to write this. I wish I did, but I am not that cool.

Yak at ya'll laters.

Fiser, OUT!

great movie ideas....

So Hollywood's been really pissing me off lately. Namely because everything released has either 1) been a sequel for a previous movie or 2) been a re-imagining (or in some cases a blatant rip-off) of an old movie.

I'm gonna pause now for that to sink in. I know a lot of you do not want to believe that Holly wood is deceiving you.

"No, oh God no! WHY!!"

But yes, it has.

Now I'm not gonna say that there hasn't been an original idea in years, because Up was pretty original, but aside from animated movies, the picking are slim for originality.

So I would like to submit an idea that is not my own. (Ironic, isn't it.) This is from YouTube personality sxephil. I think it would be the best movie ever.

"Vampire robot Nazis who are also zombies will attack us. And though the unaffected humans will team up with dolphins with laser beams on their head, it will be a close fight. Cause what the situation needs is Chuck Norris, but Chuck Norris is now a vampire robot Nazi who is also a zombie. And everyone knows the only thing that can beat a vampire robot Nazi who is also a zombie Chuck Norris is flying raptor Jesus. And I don’t want to be a cynic, but I don’t think flying raptor Jesus is gonna come to our aid. But that’s just me."

~Philip DeFranco, on how the world will end.

Now I would pay my $8.75 to watch that. (What, I live in Wisconsin. That's the price where I work. Though I wouldn't have to pay. I get a free movie a week. You now envy me.)

Another idea for a movie would be Ludo's Broken Bride. Again, not original as it is from a different media, but still more original than most everything out there. On a side note, listen to that album.



I'm sorry, but I am a bit distracted right now. I'm watching Torchwood: Children of Earth. I would say we should remake Torchwood, but I am 100% against remaking good British shows into American shows. Look what they did to Blackpool (Viva Laughlin, anyone?) and Life on Mars. If anyone touches Torchwood, I'll personally storm the studios.

So I've got to go. Much more distracting Torchwood to watch.
Laters.

Fiser, OUT!