23 December 2015

Workday Wednesday - Intro scene

I've been working on translating a story of mine into script format.

I have it titled "Gemini Falls" and that has been the title since before I ever heard about the show Gravity Falls. Actually, I only just thought of that correlation as I was writing this intro. Trust me, my story has nothing to do with that show.

It was a seed from an entirely different show.

I started this as a sort of Marble Hornets homage, but it has gone through a lot of tweaks and edits. However, this intro scene still has that sort of vibe.

So here is the opening scene. Please feel free to leave any constructive criticism in the comments.



Fade In:
Found Footage Opening

Static gives way to dark foreboding trees dotted only with the light of a small flashlight. Occasionally the flashlight comes into view in the bottom corner. The camera person is obviously scared but continues into the woods.

Shelby [V.O.]
I can’t believe I’m trompsing through the woods armed only with a $15 camera and a flashlight. At least I sprang for the expensive one. No battery issues for this girl. I got one of those emergency shake-em-up torches reserved for the doom preparers.
She continues further into the woods. There is normal woods ambiance. Hooting owls, cicadas, etc.

Shelby [v.o.]
Of course I’m kicking myself for going alone. Then again, I have no friends and my only family thinks I’m crazy. Absolutely certifiable. She actually did commit me once.

She turns the camera onto herself. She looks absolutely haggard. Like she hadn’t slept in weeks. Her green striped hair stood out in random places under her black slouchy hat.

But I will show them. I will show them all. [beat] I’m not crazy.

A twig snaps loudly behind her. She whips the camera around and tries to find the source of the sound.

Shelby [v.o.]
What was that?

Her light bounces around on the trees. The trees in this area grow source close together that you’d think it was just one giant tree.

Shelby [v.o.]
Shelby, pull yourself together. It was probably just some random animal. You have a reason that you are in the woods tonight and you’re gonna see it through. You are gonna find this … thing.

She walks through some trees and finds herself in a perfectly circular clearing. She rotates around showing just how strange looking it is.

Shelby [v.o]
We’re here. The last time I saw him he was here in this clearing. And now I’m here… alone… talking to myself in the middle of the woods with only a camera as my friend. Maybe I am crazy?

Thing [v.o.]
I don’t think you’re crazy.

She stopped moving. Her hand shake at the sound of his voice.

Thing [v.o.]
(close and evil)
I’ve been waiting for you, Shelby.

She brings the camera up slowly to point it behind her. Right behind her shoulder is a giant blacker than black silhouette. It is vaguely humanoid in shape but has no discernible features.

Thing [v.o]
(cocking his head to one side)
Now… why did you go and do that?

She drops the camera and it falls, but manages to capture the following action. In one swift movement it wraps its “arms” around her and pulls her backwards into the darkness.

Fade to:
Title Screen

This is where the title goes.

Trans to:


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