01 February 2010

very mindless...

Some days I just like to sit on the computer and think about what might have been. Oh, big SPOILER alert. This post may end up on the depressing side.

I have had so many people tell me just how much potential they see in me. They tell me that I'm very creative and so full of ideas and so wonderful for being so full of ideas. They tell me that they hate seeing me not do anything with my life because I do have so much potential. I would like to agree with them that I do, but for some reason I don't agree.

If I had so much potential, then why am I living like I am? Why am I not famous yet because they way people paint me, I should be doing something with me life. Instead I'm living with my sister, failing to pay bills, and working 2 part time jobs; one of which I hate. I shouldn't be living like this if I have so much potential.

Tell me I'm wrong.

My biggest problem is me. I have no drive. I really wish there was something in my life I would do anything for. I don't have that. Honestly, I remember in school (now I'm talking way back in high school and middle school even) whenever we were told to "imagine yourself in 10 years" I had nothing. I couldn't do it. "Imagine yourself in 10 years..." I would be 10 years older, and .... that's about as far as I got.

Why am I thinking about this right now? I'll tell you. I just watched the series finale of Dollhouse. It really doesn't have any correlation, but it kinda does. The reason is that Joss Whedon is like my hero. It's safe to say that. He writes like I do, at least I like to think that I write like him. His shows speak to me in a way that no other show has, and it's because the things the people say are things that I would say. His characters, albeit much more detailed, are like characters I would think up. Though I am a bit more on the morbid side. Then again, he has one foot firmly in the morbid side.

Anyways, I have today off of work, and I had goals that I set out to do. Am I going to do them? It's up in the air.

I've lost my train of thought.

[Fiser, OUT!]

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